Epithets which my son has hurled at me on this day:

Fabric Head
Light Bulb Candle
Poopy Butt
Foo Foo Egg
Sun Block Head
Little Fart

Dada, lick my toe

ewwww

Daddy, why are you so strong?

he asks as I belt him into his car seat - he's wearing the Mama-dictated attire of thermal, t-shirt, fleece jacket, and winter coat with full liner. So it's a tight fit.

"I'm a guy"

"I think it's maybe cuz you're short."

PS: Why Our Boy Is So Cool

Two more things:

First, when we were birthday shopping for Dada, he immediately saw something he wanted and said "you can get one of these for Dada and one for me!"

I told him I wanted to get him one for Christmas, which was true, and had planned to. "But I want it today," he said.

"Today" is one of his key words. "Okay, you can get it for Christmas, but I want it today." We've had to defer a lot to Christmas this year since everywhere we go, including the gas station and especially Walgreens, it's "can I get a toy?"

I told him he could have the present today, but to think about Christmas and how nice it would be to actually wait and then open it Christmas morning.

"Okay" he said, "but I want it today."


Imagine my surprise when we got back to the Beach and he told me to wrap it up and put it under the tree! He insisted I wrap it right away and that he also hold it in the backseat on the way to the Red House, all wrapped up with candy canes.

Second thing:

Earlier, at Grandma R's, he was exhausted and not listening. I kept telling him to stop fast forwarding through Grandma R's pictures on her MacBook that she was trying to show me, but he took over the controls. I suggested he lay down on the carpet. No! The couch then? No! One of the beds? Grandma R and Grandpa M offered. No! Well, how 'bout Drake's crate? Grandma R suggested.

"You mean that jail thing?" Jude said, sitting up. "Come on Mama! Watch me sleep in Drake's crate!"

Now, why didn't we think of that? The cute baby rag doll kitty got right in there with him and all was well.

Weekend Roundup

Let's start with the "mouth" Dada gave him... a (let me see if I get this straight) piece of a plunger that was supposedly a part to use to fix my toilet, which they did not end up using. It looks like a teeny tiny frisbee made out of pink plunger material, which at once Jude turned into a "mouth" that eats up every on the table. So when the girls came over last night to babysit while I went to yoga, the first thing he had to do was show them his "mouth."


What is that? they asked in unison.

Well, it's a mouth made out of part of the toilet, he told them. I explained that he and Dada were fixing the toilet together the other night and ....

So not one, but two 12 year old girls come over last night (they wanted to meet each other) and as I am rushing to get out the door, this is what I hear:

Girl One: Jude, do you want to play the Ninja game?
Jude: What ninja game?
Girl One: You know, the one where we knock each other down and put each other in jail.
Jude: Oh, yeah, that one, come on you two let's play that Ninja Game. Come over here on this carpet.

Laughter and mush piles and "Hai-Yas!" ensue and when I shout goodbye, I see that Jude has both girls down on the floor and Girl One goes: "Jude aren't you going to tie us up and put us in jail?"

He got right on that.

The next day, he glanced a New Yorker opened to the movie review page and laughed at the racy drawing of a man and a woman obviously in the heat of passion.

"Look at those two silly old guys, Mama!" he shouted. "What are they doing?"

"Oh nothing! Just being silly!" I tried to close the magazine, but he kept finding the same page and laughing. Note to self, but really, The New Yorker?

Last, he went nuts for the fake snow at Menards. Attached are some photos of weekend projects. Love, Mama

Hospitality

It's 5AM and I'm sleeping in Jude's bed. The cats come in and make a ruckus. I shoo them away and plant the clothes hamper in front of the non-latching door. I return to bed, and lie halfway off - I don't want to wake up Jude by climbing around into position. He pokes his head up and says, "You can use this pillow here if you'd like".